The UNchecklisted Childhood | Motherhood Unplugged

Recently, I watched a motivational speaker panel on TED talks and was particularly moved by speaker, Julie Lythcott on how to raise successful children without over-parenting. She spoke about the tendency for us as parents to 'over-parent' so much so that leads to a checklisted childhood. This struck a cord with me as the new school year will begin soon here and I am more conscious of my children's educational needs now that my oldest will be starting Kindergarten. Read the below snippet to get the gist of her speech.

"And here's what the checklisted childhood looks like. We keep them safe and sound and fed and watered, and then we want to be sure they go to the right schools, that they're in the right classes at the right schools, and that they get the right grades in the right classes in the right schools. But not just the grades, the scores, and not just the grades and scores, but the accolades and the awards and the sports, the activities, the leadership. We tell our kids, don't just join a club, start a club, because colleges want to see that. And check the box for community service. I mean, show the colleges you care about others. And here's what it feels like to be a kid in this checklisted childhood.

First of all, there's no time for free play. There's no room in the afternoons, because everything has to be enriching, we think. It's as if every piece of homework, every quiz, every activity is a make-or-break moment for this future we have in mind for them, and we absolve them of helping out around the house, and we even absolve them of getting enough sleep as long as they're checking off the items on their checklist. And in the checklisted childhood, we say we just want them to be happy, but when they come home from school, what we ask about all too often first is their homework and their grades. And they see in our faces that our approval, that our love, that their very worth, comes from A's." Julie Lynthcott-Haims

She also spoke about 'self-efficacy' and how we as parents should ensure this is developed in our children + I couldn't agree more. They need to be able to go out into the world and discover, make mistakes, explore, dream and take action to make those dreams come to fruition. I don't think you do your job as a parent correctly if you coax, coddle and spoil them hoping they will turn out to have a great future + be these awesome productive humans in the world. My children are only 3 + 5 and I've already received comments about getting them into team sports, karate, football, soccer, basketball etc Now while I think it is vital that children learn to socialize, team build and interact with others, it is also important to me for them to develop their sense of self and engage in activities that interest them not just me or what society says they should do culturally. It's no wonder we have such a high rate of anxiety, depression and suicide in school aged children, they undergo so much pressure from us, from society and their peers at school with bullying and social media influencers. We even start them off with checklists as soon as they are born and often compare them against their peers. When did your child start knowing how to do this, that and the third milestone and we as parents in this modern world only encourage this by posting about their every activity, milestone and achievement pushing them higher into the heavens towards greatness or so we think....

I wrote all this to say I will be making a conscious effort in my children's development to 'unplug', ask them how they feel + how their day was at school and involve them in the decision making about their childhood so that they have a successful but more importantly happy one.

Join me in my #unchecklistedchildhood campaign to help our children live happier lives this school year. You can do this by some of the following:

'Unplugging' while you're parenting.

Ask your children about their mental health when you pick them up from school.

Ask them if they want to do an after school activity and let them have a choice in what + how many.

Eat dinner together without electronic distraction.

Say a daily morning affirmation before you drop them off. My boys and I say "I am smart, I am loved, I am important." We started this ritual this past year and they both now say it everyday.

Have a family outing on the weekend outside of their club activities where no electronics are allowed.

All of these mentioned can give you a greater sense of family while allowing you to reconnect with your kids + spending quality time 'unplugged.'

#motherhood